Like a Freedom Too Strange to be Conquered

i pretend to cut

 

my eyes at you             

 

                                    in line

 

                                    waiting 

 

for water

 

swat your laugh away

 

from my neck in the hall

 

you got a mouth that

 

like a ‘lil nip    anyway

 

i change your name in

 

my journal to Marcus

 

surrounded by petals

 

in each, a letter

 

spelling                          out into bloom

 

damn.  even here in my

 

own private truth I can’t say

 

yes i love                       and it

 

is the youngest, freshest thang

 

yes i love                       and at

 

the formal we gon dance the way

 

children dance— bodies rubbin

 

hard against imagination & bone,

 

pantin before we even know 

 

why, droolin the lyrics of our

 

mothers favorite poems into

 

one another’s ear— oh,                          , yes

 

imma moan your whole name

 

into a roll of toilet paper and

 

flush. i swear, imma play dead 

 

on the black top. i wanna tell the world 

 

about you & i can’t. i wanna tell the world

 

about me but i ain’t met her yet. 

 

i wanna tell the world somethin

 

other than ooo Fidel Lee so fine

 

man fuck that nigga & his sweaty hands

 

i’d rather dance in the thursday sun

 

that is your name. that is your laugh.

 

i wanna toil in a queerness that ain’t

 

nobody punch line       & speaking of strike —

 

somehow it was just the two of us

 

in a bathroom on the third floor that first time

 

i wash my hands and keep my eyes out the mirror

 

auri                             you say my name

 

                                    like a damned flute

 

auri                             & i turn slower than worlds

 

your lips are there & my lips are there & oh god

 

i love you i love you i love you & was the freest me                right then.